What’s your poison?


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So what’s your poison, I mean everyone has one, right?
Last weekend I finally hit rock bottom.
It was a normal Saturday morning.
There was the usual rumblings of early morning weekend activities.  
Children were awake and mobile, hubby was up early and out of bed.
The outlook for a good weekend ahead seemed positive.
Before I new it my morning was starting to escape me and the afternoon was rolling around far to quickly, I needed a quick hit to get me through the rest of the day.  
Everyone was in my face and I was frightened I might not make it through my day.
I started to panic.
All I needed was a few minutes with my poison and I would be good.  So I ducked off to have a shower, just me and my poison together at last.
It was then, standing in the shower with the water washing over me, I realised I had hit bottom. If the ground could open up and swallow me right now, life would be better for everyone.
You have to understand I have never seen my addiction as a problem, why would I it’s only once a day so in my mind I have it under control.
I remember the time when hubby tried to address the problem (as most brilliant addicts do),  I shot him down.  For sure he was the one who had issues not me.
Once a day, every. single. day. for the past five years.
I remember sitting in a friends kitchen in Adelaide South Australia, we were talking about the everyday troubles of being a ‘stay at home mum’ when she offered me a quick solution.  She went on to say you only need one a day so long as you get quality and it is prepared correctly.  
It only took me minutes into it and I realised this stuff is goooood.
Only once a day, perfect, and it will help me be a better mum right?
I worked this puppy like nobodies business.  I got straight into the expensive stuff and was lovin’ it.
Hubby noticed a change and initially turned an eye. Then I guess after a number of years he just got tired of hoping I might stop.
As with all addictions there are always ugly side-effects.  Some worse than others
Mood wings, headaches, the shakes, and loss of concentration until I managed the hit.
Sitting here now I feel very foolish sharing this with you, but I realise it is the first step to my recovery.
How could I let myself get to this point? When did I become trapped by my poison? Why did I take it to the shower?
Hello my name is Denise.
I am addicted to coffee.

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