My hubby and I, along with our four young daughters were three weeks into assembling our new life abroad in Toronto Canada when we were faced with drama and turmoil that absolutely nobody could see coming. In order for me to go forward here I think I need to head back a little. Hubby was offered a fantastic career opportunity that would take us half way around the world and introduce this little suburban family to a new way of life in Canada. The only catch was we had to achieve this challenge in an eight week time frame. Well blow me over with a feather, we did it and we also managed a family getaway before leaving our homeland, Australia. The night before we were about the shut the door on life in Oz the internal tension that my hubby and I were both experiencing reached boiling point and we exploded at each other. This argument was awful, enough for me to seek shelter at a friend’s home until I felt comfortable standing in the same room as him. Darkness turned into early morning and we headed off to the airport to embark on a different chapter in our lives. There was never an opportunity for me to address my concerns with hubby because I refused to air the laundry in front of our children and sitting on a crowded aeroplane was no place to look for privacy. Once we arrived in our new surroundings he focused on making a great first impression at work and I concentrated on allowing the girls to make a comfortable transition without my emotional baggage weighing them down. I wear my feelings on my sleeve and not being able to articulate my emotions to anyone was destroying my easygoing spirit. We had little to hardly any contact with family back home, even with all the modern technology available it was proving difficult to connect with anyone. Finally we reunited with home via Skype, it was probably ten days into our arrival, but when you are far far away from everything you know, it felt more like a month. Now with our computers up and running I was in full swing, communicating with loved ones and informing home that something good has to come from the ugly in our ‘then’ struggling relationship. It was time for hubby to start meeting up with work colleagues from other offices in Canada, so with a scheduled two days away from myself and the girls I finally had time to sit and think about where this marriage was headed. It felt so good that I jumped on Skype and re-hashed it out with a super close girlfriend and then decided to write hubby a detailed email about how I was feeling and whether this marriage was strong enough to survive. SEND…….it was gone; everything I was busting to say almost three weeks earlier was there in print. I let it rip, I gave him a what for. I was feeling pretty good about myself and felt I had regained my power to an equal playing field. I knew I would not hear back from hubby too soon because of his schedule, but when it began to get beyond five maybe six hours I started to feel sick in the stomach, maybe I said too much, maybe he agrees with me and is planning to pack us up and ship us back home. Oh this was not good; he read my note and is contacting a solicitor to seek advice. What had I done, I was beginning to think I had completely sabotaged my marriage and that was not my intention. It had almost clocked over to a new day and I still hadn’t heard anything from hubby and the state I was in I couldn’t bring myself to call. Finally the phone rings 11:57pm on Wednesday December 2nd and it was him. Down the phone I cautiously speak “did you get my note, why did you take so long to respond are you considering….”Stop, just stop” he abruptly says. “I am in a hospital in Calgary somewhere and the Doctor said they have found a lump and need to remove it immediately”. Feeling a sense of immense guilt for offloading all my problems, here was my hubby sitting in a cold dark lonely hospital room with his children and wife miles away in another province in a strange country with no health care, only to be told he has a lump that is a significant sized tumour and he requires an operation in the next twelve hours. With no warning, no existing conditions to speak of, no family to call for help and no clue what the road ahead would bring, I decided right there and then to stand strong and tall in the face of adversity. I was determined to keep my spirit smiling whatever the path ahead would bring. I can do this, right!?
Part II and III to follow. Cheers, SorrentoMoon